Going Home Again (part one)

My recent trip Back East was both exhausting and exhilarating, and the physical and emotional toll of the trip was more than I had anticipated. Though still recovering, I am finally able to reflect for a moment on the experience.

During this trip, I had the joy of reconnecting with many loved ones who have been separated from me by time and by distance. I looked into the eyes of people who watched me grow up, but who have never seen me grown. I walked alongside folks who loved and protected my young self during pivotal moments but who have not stood by my side as I ventured along my path as a Woman. These are people who laughed when I felt joy, cried when I felt sadness, cared for me when I was sick, and whom I knew I could always call when I needed help. Yet, as happens far too often in our increasingly socially fractured society, we all have moved on and accepted that those relationships are part of our past. However, when I look into those eyes, with a few extra crinkles at the corners, or wrap myself in arms that have carried many burdens since I last felt their warmth, I am amazed at the comfort, the truth, and the rawness of that connection. Though we have not experienced each other’s daily lives, we still know the core person looking back at us across the table.

There is something so incredibly grounding in being reminded of the depth of our roots. Yes, each of our past relationships has been fractured, whether through the pain of shared experience more easily left forgotten or simply by the length of time between phone calls. Regardless of the impetus for lost connection, these relationships meant something to each of us. They were deep and fulfilling, maybe at a time when we were searching for truth in a chaotic world. Each of these relationships reminds us of a place we’ve been, a time when we’ve shared ourselves vulnerably with others, and a time when we’ve been accepted wholeheartedly for the people that we are.

To return and find myself still loved in much the same way as I was a decade or more ago leaves me feeling like I haven’t truly ventured so far from where I’ve been. More so, it implies that wherever I venture from this point onward, I still have the same roots. I cannot escape nor will I be cast away from my past life.  This has been an experience of self-exploration, of recognition and acceptance of past experience, and of the power of human connectedness. I am who I am today because of where I’ve been in my past, and I now have a greater sense of self because I understand that more wholeheartedly.