Confessions of a Child Protective Services Drop-out

It seems that every week, you see stories about children being unfairly ripped from the homes of their parents for some incomprehensible reason – like accidentally forgetting to pay for a sandwich. Within the hour, you’ll see another story about a child whose loved ones begged and pleaded for help from the state, and those pleas fell upon deaf ears until it was too late to save the child. You see stories about children being abused or neglected in foster homes and stories about children suffering tragic consequences after being returned prematurely to an unsafe family of origin.  All of these stories have the same tone – the state agency obliged to protect the welfare of the child failed, and the consequences of that failure were fatal.

The media gobbles up these stories and spits out sensationalist headlines and biased opinions. Why? Because these stories combine two elements that grab public attention and incite outrage and cries of injustice – combining child abuse and failure of public officials is the coup de grâce of news media.

If these failures are so appalling to the public whether the state acts or fails to act, then why do they keep happening? Why do they happen over and over again in agencies all over the country that are run in fundamentally different ways? No one has a perfect answer to that question, but I'd like to offer my experience as an insight into the challenges of that work.

Here’s my story in brief: I was working as a sexual assault advocate in a large urban environment, where our biggest challenge was a particularly aggressive gang, whose modus operandi was to brutally sexually assault the female companions of their rivals with blunt objects as a means of retaliation. There were plenty of other terrible things that I laid witness to each day, but this group was particularly challenging, in part because if the woman I comforted while a nurse stitched her back up ever revealed who caused such suffering, she and her loved ones were in imminent mortal danger. I recall at least a dozen victims, and the detectives and I never got a single name, description, or even an answer to a follow-up call. I saw this time and again, and there was little I could do. Getting up to this every day was exhausting because, essentially, the very idea of seeking my help would cause these women more harm, and I became a threat rather than an advocate. As a pregnant woman, the physical risks I incurred as part of this investigation led me to daydream of greener pastures. I wanted to move on to a place where I could really make a difference in an immediate and direct way. I wanted to protect people who needed my help, and I wanted to work in an environment where the little person I was carrying inside me would be less likely to be harmed as I went about my daily business.

I accepted a position as an abuse investigator in a rural county nearby. The pay was good, and I saw direct ways in which I could make a difference when a case passed across my desk. So many of my former clients had bemoaned their caseworkers and the system in general, but I had seen the nitty gritty. I had heard the stories of the mothers whose children had been removed, and I had helped them fight to regain custody of their children. I had been on the other side, and I thought I could bring new perspective that would perhaps alter outcomes for children and families.

I was assigned to the Special Investigations Unit, which meant that we only received the ugliest of cases and our caseloads were much smaller because of the complexity of the cases. My max caseload was nine per 30 days. I started my first case on a Monday, and by Friday I had 18 cases. The reason? There were only four of us taking the “ugly” cases, and that was my fair share of the flood of cases pouring in. There were no tax dollars available to increase the number of caseworkers in the SIU, so that’s what we got.

Now, here I am thinking that I can make a difference. I want to complete thorough investigations, and ensure that the children whose cases left my desk were treated in the most advantageous way possible.  Within that first week, I met a little girl who tearfully told a cousin, and then me, that her father had sexually abused her. After the interview, I asked the father to leave the house until the investigation was complete, and he obliged.

Two days later, as I sat in their home, the little girl’s mother told me the financial woes they were experiencing because of the change in the household. They didn’t have money to pay the electric bill. She didn’t know where their next meal would come from. Why? Because this little girl told this story about her daddy.

That day, when I talked with the little girl, what did she say? Can you guess?? That’s right. She made it all up, and she was sorry. She was just telling stories, and everything got out of hand. Of course this made me uneasy, so I arranged another interview with a pediatric forensic psychologist. I watched via closed circuit television as she tearfully recanted and said she was sorry, and she just wanted daddy back so the lights would stay on.

This was one of about 20 cases on my supposedly 9 case max load. I had 30 days to close the case, and I had no substantiation that anything had happened. The little girl admitted to lying. My supervisor pressed me hard for a closed case, and I had 19 other families who needed my time and attention, too. What could I do? I inquired, and we had no funds to provide emergency assistance to the family. What were my options? I closed that case. Dad went home, the lights stayed on, and the little girl learned never to tell anyone what happened behind closed doors.

That was only one of the gut-wrenching cases that I witnessed during my time there. Like any other public agency, child protective services caseworkers must adhere strictly to the law. Unlike many practitioners responsible for life and death decisions, though, they are bound to do it in as few hours as possible because there is very little financial support for what they do and so very many children and families in unsafe situations.

I lasted less than four months in that position. During that time, an infant died in a house fire intentionally set by her mother. A child whose case had been closed as “unsubstantiated” only a few weeks before. The caseworker was fired and sued. The supervisor was demoted. Did this change anything about the way cases were handled? No. How could it? In most of these cases, there is little direct and documented evidence that any harm has come or will come to these children.

In good conscience, I was unable to continue to work in life or death situations where the institutional goal was to close each case within 30 days per state statute, rather than to ensure the safety of children first and foremost. I left my position feeling deeply remorseful, and it took me quite a long time to recover from the grief I felt for some of the children I met.

A year after I left, a child was severely abused and killed in foster care. The caseworker was blamed because she failed to conduct routine checks on the home as mandated. Yet, she had dozens of foster homes on her caseload, and this child was placed nearly two hours away from the agency. There is no money for overtime, and there is only so much that can be accomplished in 40 hours per week.

There have since been huge organizational changes to the institution where I worked during those tumultuous months, and I certainly hope things are incrementally improved. However, after reading case after case in the news media, in which caseworkers are blamed for child mortality, I am left with the sense that we cannot improve dramatically upon the outcomes for child victims until we fundamentally change our perception of the causes of child mortality.

Caseworkers are asked to do the impossible – both in terms of the amount of time required to discover the truth about the history and wellbeing of a vulnerable child, and in terms of their ability to predict the future. How can they be expected to accomplish either consistently in a culture that vilifies them at every opportunity?

When you hear a news story about a shooting, and it is mentioned that “The police had been called to the residence on multiple occasions,” the immediate response is not to blame the police for failing to adequately intervene. There may be some question about police response, but the implication of that statement is that this troublesome situation had been out of control for a long time.

We cannot continue to vilify the individuals responsible for protecting vulnerable children and expect them not to simply follow the letter of the law – make the requisite contacts, collect the requisite evidence, tidy up the file in case of future lawsuit, and move the problem off their desk and out of their mind.

The problem of child abuse and subsequent child mortality does not begin and end with the caseworker. This is a community problem. One we must each accept responsibility for. One we must each acknowledge as a reality in our neighborhoods and our schools. We must each offer love and support to children and to struggling parents. Doctors and midwives should adequately screen for domestic violence and postpartum psychological problems. Pediatricians should ask how new parents are coping and listen genuinely to problems and concerns. Neighbors should ask if parents need a casserole when their colicky baby is keeping them up all night. Teachers should let their students know that they can confide in them if they are worried. Everyone should be aware of community resources for parents struggling emotionally, economically, or spiritually, and be willing to offer help if needed. If we each provide the opportunity for parents and children to reach out for support, no one potential intervener would be singularly responsible when tragedy happens.

None of these things require the state to incur additional financial responsibility, they can be done in a matter of moments, and they can mean the difference between life and death for a child who may never see the overworked and undervalued caseworker everyone expects to swoop in and save the day.

He Who Howls When The Whole World Whimpers

In Friday’s post, I drew comparisons between revolutions past and present. The main observation in that post was that revolutionaries speak the truth that everyone experiences but few voice openly and many fail to notice until the truth is spoken. Revolutionaries speak this truth even at times when it may be politically or personally dangerous to do so.

This may seem off-topic for a blog primarily related to natural parenting and homesteading, but I disagree. Growing up in a family where the personal is political naturally leads to conversations about why we breeze right past the grocery store aisles with all those food products in the alluringly bright boxes. It has also led to amusing conversations, such as the one about the origins of bologna after a classmate revealed the contents of his lunchbox to Mr. Drama.

Granted, I had to console Cowboy on his second day of Preschool when he discovered the existence of “really colorful fish crackers and apple juice,” and listen to this three-year-old’s lament that we don't have those things in our home. In an age-appropriate way, I tried to acknowledge the disappointment while drawing attention to all the great things we have at home that others may not.  Sometimes, I think it resonates. At other times, I’m not so sure.

When Mr. Drama’s second grade teacher told us during parent-teacher conferences that she felt proud that he trusted her enough to whisper his excitement about attending an Occupy protest the night before and that he’d really prefer not to win the Food Drive first prize – a class pizza party – because he’d rather not eat all that processed wheat, I realize that he understands the lessons we’re teaching. When we told him that we’ll have a “China-free” Christmas, he enthusiastically accepted the idea because he understands that locally produced gifts are of higher quality and keep our dollars where they are so desperately needed – close to home.

My children are not sheltered from society. They are taught to appreciate their neighbors and lifestyles other than our own. They go to school. They play sports. They explore their world. They watch television, they eat candy on Halloween, and they whine and moan when it’s time to clean their room. They are normal kids. Yet, when they ask, “Why?” I explore that question with them. Often, I don’t know why, either, and I tell them that. Because no one holds all the answers and sometimes it’s just more fun to come up with your own. Sometimes there are no easy answers, and it’s important to be comfortable in the realm of the unknown, too. When I look to the revolutionaries who have shaped our world, they are the ones who saw what no one else could see and spoke what no one dared to speak. They had the courage to howl at injustice while most of the world passively accepted it.

He who howls

I want my children to see the world for all its beauty and all its flaws. I want to provide a safe space for them to explore the high desert ecosystem outside their doors and the social hierarchies within their schools. I have no intention of teaching them to view the world as I see it. They have different eyes, different lives, different experiences, and a different truth. I want to provide the safety for them to speak their own acquired truth in our home and in the face of injustice. I want them to never stop asking why and never give up on their own dreams of what could be. Whether one day they become revolutionaries, engineers, geologists, or janitors, I want them to continually seek a better understanding of what is now and what is possible. I want them to feel that naming and exploring the current reality is the best way to move forward, both as an individual and as a citizen.

America

Today, I stumbled across some youtube clips of interviews with the leaders of the Beat Generation. I can’t seem to pull myself away from them. I am primarily fascinated by an interview and conversation between Allen Ginsberg and Neal Cassady (famously known as Dean Moriarty from “On the Road”).  These men were the brilliant and bizarre bearers of knowledge and new ideas that shaped American society during the 1960’s and 70’s leading to everything from “free love” to successful anti-war and civil rights protests. At the time, Ginsberg’s thoughts and writings were punished with brutality, outrage, and imprisonment. Yet, he continued. He did not continue because of disrespect for the American way of life. He continued because he believed deeply in the principles upon which this country was founded and saw the freedoms and individual liberties promised by our forefathers trampled upon during the McCarthyist, Cold War, Lavender Scare, Jim Crow Era, which led the government to impinge upon rights of free speech, free expression, and actively and enthusiastically persecute anyone unwilling or unable to conform to the American “norm.” – The white, Christian, middle class, law abiding, two parent nuclear family.

Ginsberg, and others like him, continued to push the boundaries and explore the criminalized idea that, perhaps, there were other ways of being. And he and his contemporaries suffered greatly for it. Granted, they seem a bit unhinged, even in this video, and certain lifestyle choices were no doubt questionable. However, these men helped to pave the way for civil rights for ethnic minorities, gays, and (as sexist as they may have been) women. Few revolutionary ideas come in a neatly wrapped unassuming package. Or, perhaps they do, but without outlandish delivery they fail to gain notice.

What struck me so profoundly in watching this series of clips are the similarities between that revolution and what is taking place in America today and how similar government response has been. Ginsberg, Burroughs, Kerouac, and Cassady first met in New York City, eight miles from Zuccotti Park, where a few dozen protesters assembled peacefully on September 17, 2011. The former group would soon be known as the Beat Generation and the latter has grown into the Occupy Movement. As the ideas of each group spread, the government and the media have been forced to take notice. The responses first range from disregard to demonizing and finally to silencing by force.

At both these times in our history, most Americans were hungry for a change that was not going to come from those in power. In both cases, Americans were trapped in a position of being ruled individually and governmentally by fear rather than by reason. And in both cases, strength and will to change came from a small group of individuals with lofty ideals that America can be something other than what it now is.

During this day of contemplation, I read Ginsberg’s poem titled "America." I’ve linked it here.  With a few name changes (Muslims instead of Russians, and Somalis instead of Indians, for example), this could have been written here and now.  In fact it reminded me of another poem of sorts, a song written by K’Naan, a Somali refugee, coincidentally also entitled “America”. The lyrics are linked here.

Though clearly written in very different styles by intellectuals from vastly different backgrounds, the message is the same. America has let us down. It is not now what it was founded to be. And as a government for the people, by the people, and of the people, we, the people, are responsible for making it what it should be.

Going Home Again (part one)

My recent trip Back East was both exhausting and exhilarating, and the physical and emotional toll of the trip was more than I had anticipated. Though still recovering, I am finally able to reflect for a moment on the experience.

During this trip, I had the joy of reconnecting with many loved ones who have been separated from me by time and by distance. I looked into the eyes of people who watched me grow up, but who have never seen me grown. I walked alongside folks who loved and protected my young self during pivotal moments but who have not stood by my side as I ventured along my path as a Woman. These are people who laughed when I felt joy, cried when I felt sadness, cared for me when I was sick, and whom I knew I could always call when I needed help. Yet, as happens far too often in our increasingly socially fractured society, we all have moved on and accepted that those relationships are part of our past. However, when I look into those eyes, with a few extra crinkles at the corners, or wrap myself in arms that have carried many burdens since I last felt their warmth, I am amazed at the comfort, the truth, and the rawness of that connection. Though we have not experienced each other’s daily lives, we still know the core person looking back at us across the table.

There is something so incredibly grounding in being reminded of the depth of our roots. Yes, each of our past relationships has been fractured, whether through the pain of shared experience more easily left forgotten or simply by the length of time between phone calls. Regardless of the impetus for lost connection, these relationships meant something to each of us. They were deep and fulfilling, maybe at a time when we were searching for truth in a chaotic world. Each of these relationships reminds us of a place we’ve been, a time when we’ve shared ourselves vulnerably with others, and a time when we’ve been accepted wholeheartedly for the people that we are.

To return and find myself still loved in much the same way as I was a decade or more ago leaves me feeling like I haven’t truly ventured so far from where I’ve been. More so, it implies that wherever I venture from this point onward, I still have the same roots. I cannot escape nor will I be cast away from my past life.  This has been an experience of self-exploration, of recognition and acceptance of past experience, and of the power of human connectedness. I am who I am today because of where I’ve been in my past, and I now have a greater sense of self because I understand that more wholeheartedly.